Vexing Airheaded Razzmatazz? Venomous Agonising Ribaldry? Vague Absurd Racket? Valueless Alienating Rubbish?
Whatever VAR really stands for, it isn't working as it should... and it needs to be Very Abruptly Reviewed.
In monsoon-soaked Watford last weekend (honestly, it was Virtually Appalling Rain on the trek to Vicarage Road), the game sagged to a halt as ref Anthony Taylor stuck his finger in his ear and waited for Mike Dean to decide on a penalty.
It was finally awarded for a Jorginho 'trip' on Gerard Deulofeu but, as Frank Lampard pointed out, if it took 20 replays to reach a decision, how 'clear' was it?
"Any [decision] that takes that long means they aren't sure, so why aren't we using screens on the side of pitch?" he asked.
It dragged the score back to 2-1 to Chelsea, so no overall effect on the outcome, just another Vile Addled Rigmarole to add to the list.
Chelsea host Palace this weekend, for more Vindictive Acrimonious Rancour.
Let's hope for another dose of sportsmanship as shown by Hornets keeper Ben Foster who, after pulling off a string of good saves, came up for the final corner, headed goalwards and saw Kepa fly like Superman to swat the ball clear.
Keeper hugged Kepa in a heartwarming embrace of respect as the final whistle sounded, and briefly the trials and tribulations of VAR were forgotten.
The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and unless specifically stated are not necessarily those of Hammersmith & Fulham Council.
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